While contemplating on things that happened to me in the recent past, these are bits of unrelated thoughts I told myself: Pessimism as always... As i quote....
1) Why don't I get what I want? Why do I always end up just trying to want what I have?
2) How can life be so unfair and so unreasonable? My best was never enough and will never be....
3) My point in doing my best is to get what i want.. If after all, it is not meant for me, why should I in the first place? Have I just wasted all my time?
3) Good things always never last.. The bad things always stay to make my life forever miserable.
4) Do I still have a sound judgment on just about anything? or my paranoia took over and got hold of my life already?
5) Why is my memory getting worse and worse... I am scared that I'll lose my most powerful tool... and I dont deserve this!!!!
6) I am never a winner.. I am a trying hard achiever.
7) I despise the fact that I am always the second best to others.
8) They say perseverance is when you fail 19 times and succed on the 2oth. Is it that all worth it? Because I am damn tired of trying things I would later find out that is not meant for me...
9) For once, I want to be given something that I didnt work hard for; because that i know is something i really deserve. Sadly, this never happened to me yet.
10) My life's challenges are not making me any healthy. It kills and destroys me....
11) I dont know how to forget... though I am forgiving.
12) Can't I be successful without making any risk?
13) Why myself isn't enough to be the next big thing? Why should i always modify? Maybe it only goes to show that my real self is no good at all...
14) "Next Time" is totally different from "If only". They are incomparable and you cannot subsititute one from the other...
Hours after this.... I am sure i'll go back to my old self again... motivated and full of hopes.... I am sure.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Twisted Views
A matter of Culture?... Customs??....
Hygiene???....
or simply Aesthetics???? ...
For this posting, its not my intention to criticize but as always, just to express myself...
At a wedding reception that I attended today, I sat beside a lady which is obviously from mainland China... Based from the way she dressed that noon, I can assume that she is one of the bridesmaids... Oh what a lovely dress she has.. pretty in pink.. a sleeveless one. She's attractive if i may say.. But suddenly and unintentionally, I noticed something about her that made me want to throw up the whole time.
As she extended her arms to get some food on the table, a hairy underam was exposed right on my face! A sight that is very unusual in the Philippines even for a Filipino-Chinese like me. Her's were much dense and bushy than a guy like me! I was totally disoriented again... Again is the word because this was actually not my first time to see this rare site. Way back in High School, some of my Chinese teachers were also like that... But this was the very first time I was fortunate to see one while eating... not once, not twice, but everytime she gets food from the table...
You may claim that I have a limited exposure to the different people outside of my own because I am not well travelled... But getting exposed to it compared to getting used to it is a totally different story. Culture and Customs wise, it may not just be a tradition for them to shave… I really have no idea to the ladies of other countries. Objectively, you may not call it unhygienic because why men can be clean without shaving underarms right?? … So what’s wrong with that then? Actually, nothing except for the issue of aesthetics which is purely relative as well… It just happens that she is just being observed by a Filipino like me!!!
Ok… it may seem I am defending that there’s really nothing wrong about it… But I will never ever stand it still. And I stand firm.
Hygiene???....
or simply Aesthetics???? ...
For this posting, its not my intention to criticize but as always, just to express myself...
At a wedding reception that I attended today, I sat beside a lady which is obviously from mainland China... Based from the way she dressed that noon, I can assume that she is one of the bridesmaids... Oh what a lovely dress she has.. pretty in pink.. a sleeveless one. She's attractive if i may say.. But suddenly and unintentionally, I noticed something about her that made me want to throw up the whole time.
As she extended her arms to get some food on the table, a hairy underam was exposed right on my face! A sight that is very unusual in the Philippines even for a Filipino-Chinese like me. Her's were much dense and bushy than a guy like me! I was totally disoriented again... Again is the word because this was actually not my first time to see this rare site. Way back in High School, some of my Chinese teachers were also like that... But this was the very first time I was fortunate to see one while eating... not once, not twice, but everytime she gets food from the table...
You may claim that I have a limited exposure to the different people outside of my own because I am not well travelled... But getting exposed to it compared to getting used to it is a totally different story. Culture and Customs wise, it may not just be a tradition for them to shave… I really have no idea to the ladies of other countries. Objectively, you may not call it unhygienic because why men can be clean without shaving underarms right?? … So what’s wrong with that then? Actually, nothing except for the issue of aesthetics which is purely relative as well… It just happens that she is just being observed by a Filipino like me!!!
Ok… it may seem I am defending that there’s really nothing wrong about it… But I will never ever stand it still. And I stand firm.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Just a Petty ID incident ( but a big deal for me)
i remembered what my good friend and blockmate cindy once told me... You can't just claim that a person's issue in life is trivial simply because you see it that way... each of us has our own stories to tell... and you must dig in to that experience to understand why the person is very much affected to something that seems nonsense...
something happened while i was going to a friend's house.... while i parked my car, i noticed that i lost my Unilever ID where i am having my OJT. For some reasons, i felt bad... not because i literally lost it but because that is supposed to be a living memory of my challenging stay with the company... i can always get a replacement if i want.. but that wouldnt be practical because i have only one week left with the company... i am just contemplating that it shouldnt happen in the first place!! of all the things that will be lost, why that ID which means a lot to me?? knowing me who always cherishes things of the past... that it is a big something..
i always hold on to memories because thats the only thing left for me. anything that reminds me of my past is special.. my yearbook - my old pictures- my old term papers saved in my computer - my elementary report card. So sad that there are just things you wanna go back to but you know you can't.. and the memory would comprise i guess. because of that, i believe that some good things indeed never last... or rather, all of the good things. i dont think theres such thing as forever already at least in this lifetime. though im still hoping....
i think this is getting nowhere again as usual... but the bottomline is: I hate changes to the things i am very used to and especially to those that i love most. moving on is still the hardest thing to do. period.
something happened while i was going to a friend's house.... while i parked my car, i noticed that i lost my Unilever ID where i am having my OJT. For some reasons, i felt bad... not because i literally lost it but because that is supposed to be a living memory of my challenging stay with the company... i can always get a replacement if i want.. but that wouldnt be practical because i have only one week left with the company... i am just contemplating that it shouldnt happen in the first place!! of all the things that will be lost, why that ID which means a lot to me?? knowing me who always cherishes things of the past... that it is a big something..
i always hold on to memories because thats the only thing left for me. anything that reminds me of my past is special.. my yearbook - my old pictures- my old term papers saved in my computer - my elementary report card. So sad that there are just things you wanna go back to but you know you can't.. and the memory would comprise i guess. because of that, i believe that some good things indeed never last... or rather, all of the good things. i dont think theres such thing as forever already at least in this lifetime. though im still hoping....
i think this is getting nowhere again as usual... but the bottomline is: I hate changes to the things i am very used to and especially to those that i love most. moving on is still the hardest thing to do. period.
The Start of Real Freedom
my real thoughts have always been risky and adventurous... they were never been conventional; very liberal in fact. For the past 21 years, they were well kept inside my mind just buggling around. and for this opportunity, they are now ready to be heard at last....and i am very very much relieved.
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