After facing another reality...
How will you feel,
If you were someone's biggest mistake?
If you were the one that was wished
not to have met at all?
If you were just a thing without value?
And all that happened,
when you finally realize how beautiful life is.
When you learned that,
giving is wat makes you.
A total rejection
A perfect contrast.
A deadly place in time.
Well,
It just made me.
Happiness of the heart,
compromised by peace of mind.
Fear of uncertainties,
immuned by unexpected events.
Deceiving shadows of the past,
covered by new reasons.
I just got better.
On loving myself,
finding my worth,
living life.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Friday, August 12, 2005
My favorite lines
Lines that carry me back through the light of hope.... Lines that turn into a sword to battle my fierce enemy which is fear... Lines that bring me home to my heart telling that i am worth something after all... and that's the reason i should go on...
WIN by Brian McKnight
i'll never quit.. no no
i'll never go down...
i'll make sure they'll remember my name
a hundred years from now..
i'll never give up,
i'll never give in,
never let a ray of doubt slip in
and if i fall, ill never fail
ill just get up and try again
never lose hope, never lose faith
theres much, too much at stake
upon myself i must depend
i was looking for place ashore, IM GONNA WIN!
GO THE DISTANCE by Michael Bolton
And I won’t look back,
I can go the distance
And I’ll stay on track,
no, I won’t accept defeat
It’s an uphill slope,
but I won’t lose hope
Till I go the distance,
and my journey is complete.
But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero’s strength is measured by his heart.
Like a shooting star,
I will go the distance
I will search the world,
I will face its’ harms
I don’t care how far,
I can go the distance
Till I find my hero’s welcome,
waiting in your arms
RAINBOW by South border
Take a little time baby
See the butterflies' colors
Listen to the birds that were sent
To sing for me and you
Can you feel me
This is such a wonderful place to be
Even if there is pain now
Everything would be all right
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day
Can you hear me
There's a rainbow always after the rain
Life's full of challenges
Not all the time we get what we want
But don't despair my dear
You'll take each trial and you'll make it through the storm
Coz you're strong my faith in you is clear
So ill say once again this worlds wonderful
and Let us celebrate life that's so beautiful, so beautiful
CANT TAKE THAT AWAY by Mariah Carey
They can't take this Precious love
I'll always have inside me
Certainly the Lord will guide me
where I need to go
They can say
Anything they want to say
Try to break me down
But I won't face the ground
I will rise steadily sailing out of their reach
Although they do try
How to make me feel
that I Don't matter at all
But I refuse to fall
Tell me what I believe
or lose faith in my dreams
'Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly, yes
They can try
but they can't take that away from me
WIN by Brian McKnight
i'll never quit.. no no
i'll never go down...
i'll make sure they'll remember my name
a hundred years from now..
i'll never give up,
i'll never give in,
never let a ray of doubt slip in
and if i fall, ill never fail
ill just get up and try again
never lose hope, never lose faith
theres much, too much at stake
upon myself i must depend
i was looking for place ashore, IM GONNA WIN!
GO THE DISTANCE by Michael Bolton
And I won’t look back,
I can go the distance
And I’ll stay on track,
no, I won’t accept defeat
It’s an uphill slope,
but I won’t lose hope
Till I go the distance,
and my journey is complete.
But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero’s strength is measured by his heart.
Like a shooting star,
I will go the distance
I will search the world,
I will face its’ harms
I don’t care how far,
I can go the distance
Till I find my hero’s welcome,
waiting in your arms
RAINBOW by South border
Take a little time baby
See the butterflies' colors
Listen to the birds that were sent
To sing for me and you
Can you feel me
This is such a wonderful place to be
Even if there is pain now
Everything would be all right
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day
Can you hear me
There's a rainbow always after the rain
Life's full of challenges
Not all the time we get what we want
But don't despair my dear
You'll take each trial and you'll make it through the storm
Coz you're strong my faith in you is clear
So ill say once again this worlds wonderful
and Let us celebrate life that's so beautiful, so beautiful
CANT TAKE THAT AWAY by Mariah Carey
They can't take this Precious love
I'll always have inside me
Certainly the Lord will guide me
where I need to go
They can say
Anything they want to say
Try to break me down
But I won't face the ground
I will rise steadily sailing out of their reach
Although they do try
How to make me feel
that I Don't matter at all
But I refuse to fall
Tell me what I believe
or lose faith in my dreams
'Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly, yes
They can try
but they can't take that away from me
Monday, August 08, 2005
And God gave me the answer...
My deep wound may not yet be healed... But eventually it will. The more you pay attention to it, the more you'll get hurt again and again... Leave it at that and before you know it, you'll be the same brand new.
I guess i already picked up the pieces in me.. and I regained my strength to face whatever comes. Memories are better to be just memories - just like an old movie or book u sometimes wanna go back to.. but without the intention of gratifying yourself just like the first time it happened. It never ever will...
And now I am waving goodbye to the best of my best. Farewell, Farewell...
CLOSING CYCLES
by Paolo Coelho
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end.If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time,we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.Closing cycles, shutting doors,ending chapters whatever name we give it,what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end?Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad?Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved:your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister,everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time,not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us.What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents,sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents,lovers who day and night relive an affair with someonewho has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs,move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world,of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated,your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again,the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss:that is only poisoning you, nothing else.Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off,work that is promised but there is no starting date,decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment.Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished:tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person.Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit is not a need.This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance,but simply because that no longer fits your life.Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.
I guess i already picked up the pieces in me.. and I regained my strength to face whatever comes. Memories are better to be just memories - just like an old movie or book u sometimes wanna go back to.. but without the intention of gratifying yourself just like the first time it happened. It never ever will...
And now I am waving goodbye to the best of my best. Farewell, Farewell...
CLOSING CYCLES
by Paolo Coelho
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end.If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time,we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.Closing cycles, shutting doors,ending chapters whatever name we give it,what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end?Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad?Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved:your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister,everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time,not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us.What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents,sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents,lovers who day and night relive an affair with someonewho has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs,move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world,of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated,your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again,the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss:that is only poisoning you, nothing else.Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off,work that is promised but there is no starting date,decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment.Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished:tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person.Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit is not a need.This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance,but simply because that no longer fits your life.Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.
Saturday, July 16, 2005
You and only but you...
I am back!!!
"The heart will never lie ...and in contrast, the mind can fool you.. If you are fond of rationalizing as your defense mechanism, then you are totally out of your inner reality.. It definitely knows if you are fulfilled or not... No matter how you pretend you are happy and contented with what you have, if the heart still longs for something else, it will come out.. As you lie in your bed, you try to close your eyes, and clear your mind.. take a deep breath and hear what you're heart is telling you as it pounds.. Then you will know the answer that is not necessarily right but definitely the truth and nothing but.. "
This is supposedly a lyrics of a song that im intending to finish... I still have a big problem though on how to put melody on it because I am not skilled with that.. The text speaks of a lot of meaning only me can truly understand... well perhaps =)
You and only but you
And Im hurting again…
As I reminisce every single detail
Of how you made me insane..
While I’m losing another love
It is still you im thinking about…
And I cant believe
that you still hold my heart.
Do you remember..
How you left me out of nowhere.
We were so much perfect then
That everything fell into place..
Until your goodbye came…
Then everything else shattered
And I was never the same.
It was a dream come true to find you
I’ve waited long enough and God gave me to you
I found my long lost partner in you
I am at my happiest being with you..
I die of joy as I share the night with you
Its is the you, the you, and only but you
The same you who changed me…
The same you who is killing me…
Oh how can I forget someone
Who made my life complete
How can I not keep someone
Who brought life back in me…
Though here in my heart you’ll stay
You must go with the wind and find
The one true love you never found in me….
"The heart will never lie ...and in contrast, the mind can fool you.. If you are fond of rationalizing as your defense mechanism, then you are totally out of your inner reality.. It definitely knows if you are fulfilled or not... No matter how you pretend you are happy and contented with what you have, if the heart still longs for something else, it will come out.. As you lie in your bed, you try to close your eyes, and clear your mind.. take a deep breath and hear what you're heart is telling you as it pounds.. Then you will know the answer that is not necessarily right but definitely the truth and nothing but.. "
This is supposedly a lyrics of a song that im intending to finish... I still have a big problem though on how to put melody on it because I am not skilled with that.. The text speaks of a lot of meaning only me can truly understand... well perhaps =)
You and only but you
And Im hurting again…
As I reminisce every single detail
Of how you made me insane..
While I’m losing another love
It is still you im thinking about…
And I cant believe
that you still hold my heart.
Do you remember..
How you left me out of nowhere.
We were so much perfect then
That everything fell into place..
Until your goodbye came…
Then everything else shattered
And I was never the same.
It was a dream come true to find you
I’ve waited long enough and God gave me to you
I found my long lost partner in you
I am at my happiest being with you..
I die of joy as I share the night with you
Its is the you, the you, and only but you
The same you who changed me…
The same you who is killing me…
Oh how can I forget someone
Who made my life complete
How can I not keep someone
Who brought life back in me…
Though here in my heart you’ll stay
You must go with the wind and find
The one true love you never found in me….
Friday, May 27, 2005
Just About Anything..
As I force myself to make another post to my one and only blog so that this will not be put to trash; and while downloading some songs that suit me, which as always were never popular and never made it to the countdown…. I write just about everything that pops into my mind:
I feel sick today.. for no reason at all… haven’t done so much lately except for going to my new found work everyday. And the work is not work at all but attending classroom type lectures … ironic as it may seem. Actually, I am burnt out… for keeping my sanity with the loads of hand outs that I have to put inside my brain cells… for not having enough sleep for the past few days whom no one is to blame but myself…
But the good thing is that I am being paid to study! Where in the world can you find that right?! And I love the company of my pals in the office… They’re the best! Actually, they are one of the reasons why I look forward to go to work every morning… They wouldn’t probably know that! gklasfjas;lfjasl;kfj XXXXXXXX????!!!!
STOP THIS CRAP!!!
I feel sick today.. for no reason at all… haven’t done so much lately except for going to my new found work everyday. And the work is not work at all but attending classroom type lectures … ironic as it may seem. Actually, I am burnt out… for keeping my sanity with the loads of hand outs that I have to put inside my brain cells… for not having enough sleep for the past few days whom no one is to blame but myself…
But the good thing is that I am being paid to study! Where in the world can you find that right?! And I love the company of my pals in the office… They’re the best! Actually, they are one of the reasons why I look forward to go to work every morning… They wouldn’t probably know that! gklasfjas;lfjasl;kfj XXXXXXXX????!!!!
STOP THIS CRAP!!!
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
As I Quote.... Part 1
While contemplating on things that happened to me in the recent past, these are bits of unrelated thoughts I told myself: Pessimism as always... As i quote....
1) Why don't I get what I want? Why do I always end up just trying to want what I have?
2) How can life be so unfair and so unreasonable? My best was never enough and will never be....
3) My point in doing my best is to get what i want.. If after all, it is not meant for me, why should I in the first place? Have I just wasted all my time?
3) Good things always never last.. The bad things always stay to make my life forever miserable.
4) Do I still have a sound judgment on just about anything? or my paranoia took over and got hold of my life already?
5) Why is my memory getting worse and worse... I am scared that I'll lose my most powerful tool... and I dont deserve this!!!!
6) I am never a winner.. I am a trying hard achiever.
7) I despise the fact that I am always the second best to others.
8) They say perseverance is when you fail 19 times and succed on the 2oth. Is it that all worth it? Because I am damn tired of trying things I would later find out that is not meant for me...
9) For once, I want to be given something that I didnt work hard for; because that i know is something i really deserve. Sadly, this never happened to me yet.
10) My life's challenges are not making me any healthy. It kills and destroys me....
11) I dont know how to forget... though I am forgiving.
12) Can't I be successful without making any risk?
13) Why myself isn't enough to be the next big thing? Why should i always modify? Maybe it only goes to show that my real self is no good at all...
14) "Next Time" is totally different from "If only". They are incomparable and you cannot subsititute one from the other...
Hours after this.... I am sure i'll go back to my old self again... motivated and full of hopes.... I am sure.
1) Why don't I get what I want? Why do I always end up just trying to want what I have?
2) How can life be so unfair and so unreasonable? My best was never enough and will never be....
3) My point in doing my best is to get what i want.. If after all, it is not meant for me, why should I in the first place? Have I just wasted all my time?
3) Good things always never last.. The bad things always stay to make my life forever miserable.
4) Do I still have a sound judgment on just about anything? or my paranoia took over and got hold of my life already?
5) Why is my memory getting worse and worse... I am scared that I'll lose my most powerful tool... and I dont deserve this!!!!
6) I am never a winner.. I am a trying hard achiever.
7) I despise the fact that I am always the second best to others.
8) They say perseverance is when you fail 19 times and succed on the 2oth. Is it that all worth it? Because I am damn tired of trying things I would later find out that is not meant for me...
9) For once, I want to be given something that I didnt work hard for; because that i know is something i really deserve. Sadly, this never happened to me yet.
10) My life's challenges are not making me any healthy. It kills and destroys me....
11) I dont know how to forget... though I am forgiving.
12) Can't I be successful without making any risk?
13) Why myself isn't enough to be the next big thing? Why should i always modify? Maybe it only goes to show that my real self is no good at all...
14) "Next Time" is totally different from "If only". They are incomparable and you cannot subsititute one from the other...
Hours after this.... I am sure i'll go back to my old self again... motivated and full of hopes.... I am sure.
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Twisted Views
A matter of Culture?... Customs??....
Hygiene???....
or simply Aesthetics???? ...
For this posting, its not my intention to criticize but as always, just to express myself...
At a wedding reception that I attended today, I sat beside a lady which is obviously from mainland China... Based from the way she dressed that noon, I can assume that she is one of the bridesmaids... Oh what a lovely dress she has.. pretty in pink.. a sleeveless one. She's attractive if i may say.. But suddenly and unintentionally, I noticed something about her that made me want to throw up the whole time.
As she extended her arms to get some food on the table, a hairy underam was exposed right on my face! A sight that is very unusual in the Philippines even for a Filipino-Chinese like me. Her's were much dense and bushy than a guy like me! I was totally disoriented again... Again is the word because this was actually not my first time to see this rare site. Way back in High School, some of my Chinese teachers were also like that... But this was the very first time I was fortunate to see one while eating... not once, not twice, but everytime she gets food from the table...
You may claim that I have a limited exposure to the different people outside of my own because I am not well travelled... But getting exposed to it compared to getting used to it is a totally different story. Culture and Customs wise, it may not just be a tradition for them to shave… I really have no idea to the ladies of other countries. Objectively, you may not call it unhygienic because why men can be clean without shaving underarms right?? … So what’s wrong with that then? Actually, nothing except for the issue of aesthetics which is purely relative as well… It just happens that she is just being observed by a Filipino like me!!!
Ok… it may seem I am defending that there’s really nothing wrong about it… But I will never ever stand it still. And I stand firm.
Hygiene???....
or simply Aesthetics???? ...
For this posting, its not my intention to criticize but as always, just to express myself...
At a wedding reception that I attended today, I sat beside a lady which is obviously from mainland China... Based from the way she dressed that noon, I can assume that she is one of the bridesmaids... Oh what a lovely dress she has.. pretty in pink.. a sleeveless one. She's attractive if i may say.. But suddenly and unintentionally, I noticed something about her that made me want to throw up the whole time.
As she extended her arms to get some food on the table, a hairy underam was exposed right on my face! A sight that is very unusual in the Philippines even for a Filipino-Chinese like me. Her's were much dense and bushy than a guy like me! I was totally disoriented again... Again is the word because this was actually not my first time to see this rare site. Way back in High School, some of my Chinese teachers were also like that... But this was the very first time I was fortunate to see one while eating... not once, not twice, but everytime she gets food from the table...
You may claim that I have a limited exposure to the different people outside of my own because I am not well travelled... But getting exposed to it compared to getting used to it is a totally different story. Culture and Customs wise, it may not just be a tradition for them to shave… I really have no idea to the ladies of other countries. Objectively, you may not call it unhygienic because why men can be clean without shaving underarms right?? … So what’s wrong with that then? Actually, nothing except for the issue of aesthetics which is purely relative as well… It just happens that she is just being observed by a Filipino like me!!!
Ok… it may seem I am defending that there’s really nothing wrong about it… But I will never ever stand it still. And I stand firm.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Just a Petty ID incident ( but a big deal for me)
i remembered what my good friend and blockmate cindy once told me... You can't just claim that a person's issue in life is trivial simply because you see it that way... each of us has our own stories to tell... and you must dig in to that experience to understand why the person is very much affected to something that seems nonsense...
something happened while i was going to a friend's house.... while i parked my car, i noticed that i lost my Unilever ID where i am having my OJT. For some reasons, i felt bad... not because i literally lost it but because that is supposed to be a living memory of my challenging stay with the company... i can always get a replacement if i want.. but that wouldnt be practical because i have only one week left with the company... i am just contemplating that it shouldnt happen in the first place!! of all the things that will be lost, why that ID which means a lot to me?? knowing me who always cherishes things of the past... that it is a big something..
i always hold on to memories because thats the only thing left for me. anything that reminds me of my past is special.. my yearbook - my old pictures- my old term papers saved in my computer - my elementary report card. So sad that there are just things you wanna go back to but you know you can't.. and the memory would comprise i guess. because of that, i believe that some good things indeed never last... or rather, all of the good things. i dont think theres such thing as forever already at least in this lifetime. though im still hoping....
i think this is getting nowhere again as usual... but the bottomline is: I hate changes to the things i am very used to and especially to those that i love most. moving on is still the hardest thing to do. period.
something happened while i was going to a friend's house.... while i parked my car, i noticed that i lost my Unilever ID where i am having my OJT. For some reasons, i felt bad... not because i literally lost it but because that is supposed to be a living memory of my challenging stay with the company... i can always get a replacement if i want.. but that wouldnt be practical because i have only one week left with the company... i am just contemplating that it shouldnt happen in the first place!! of all the things that will be lost, why that ID which means a lot to me?? knowing me who always cherishes things of the past... that it is a big something..
i always hold on to memories because thats the only thing left for me. anything that reminds me of my past is special.. my yearbook - my old pictures- my old term papers saved in my computer - my elementary report card. So sad that there are just things you wanna go back to but you know you can't.. and the memory would comprise i guess. because of that, i believe that some good things indeed never last... or rather, all of the good things. i dont think theres such thing as forever already at least in this lifetime. though im still hoping....
i think this is getting nowhere again as usual... but the bottomline is: I hate changes to the things i am very used to and especially to those that i love most. moving on is still the hardest thing to do. period.
The Start of Real Freedom
my real thoughts have always been risky and adventurous... they were never been conventional; very liberal in fact. For the past 21 years, they were well kept inside my mind just buggling around. and for this opportunity, they are now ready to be heard at last....and i am very very much relieved.
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